


Stay.

by B_I_A02



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26092591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_I_A02/pseuds/B_I_A02
Summary: ''That night, while he was still experiencing some flashbacks and feeling an almost unbearable pain – only bearable because she was still by his side – he knew the real reason why he stayed. He didn’t know how, but he knew it had something to do with Claire Browne. ''
Relationships: Claire Browne & Neil Melendez, Claire Browne/Neil Melendez, Melendaire - Relationship
Comments: 16
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this when my intuiton (pisces energy, don't mind me) warned me he wasn't coming back.  
> 2 days after, we got our ''oficial'' confirmation.  
> A letter is a cliché but by adding it to this fic I found a way to griev him but at the same time keep him alive in another reality, like he deserves.  
> I hope you guys like it, and thank you to everyone leaving nice comments under my works.

“I need you to listen to me now.’’ - Claire said putting her guitar aside. She didn’t quite understand why she had decided to play for him that night, considering that his lack of consciousness was probably making it impossible for him to listen to anything. Maybe she did it because she knew that this was her last chance to show him her hidden talent. 

“I know that this isn’t what you usually do, and I know you’re probably in pain, but I need you one last time. I really need you to listen to me now.’’ She moved closer to the bed, touching Neil’s now skinny face, as a result of weeks of coma. 

“Neil, I need you to know that if you wanna go, if you need to go, I’ll forgive you. I need you to know that I won’t hold you back from resting. It’s okay if you wanna leave, alright?’’ 

Claire could feel the tears on her face now, but she knew she had to keep going. He deserved closure. 

“You need to understand that I’ll move on.’’ She was lying, she was never gonna recover from his death, but this was about him, so she kept going. “I will love and honor you forever, even though I’m not sure if I ever touched you the same way you touched me. I’ll be fine.’’ She didn’t know what hurt the most, the lie or what was coming next. 

“If that’s what you want, if that’s what you can do, it’s really ok, you can go. But I also need you to know that if you stay....’’ - at this point she was interrupt by her own sobbing - “Oh Neil! If you stay, I promise that I’ll be here for you. All the way. I promise that there is nothing in the world that I won’t do to be with you. I just need you to stay.  
Whatever happens, I’ll be here, I just need you to know that you have options. I just need you to know that there is nothing to forgive.’’ Claire kissed his forehead before leaving with her guitar. 

\------- 

Lim saw Claire leaving his room, with the saddest look on her face, which is a lot considering everything that happened in the past weeks. Seeing her walking away like she was carrying the world on her back, Lim knew it was time. Nothing was official, yet. But his time was coming. 

“Claire’’ 

“Yes.’’ She turned around, exhausted, carrying her guitar. 

“I don’t wanna waste your time but I think it’s time to give you this.’’ 

Lim handed her a simple envelope. Claire didn’t exactly know what was inside but she knew it was related to him. 

“Thank you,’’ Claire said, shaking. She understood whatever was inside, it was permanent. 

“You don’t have to come to work tomorrow okay?’’ 

Claire just nodded, leaving the hospital and driving straight to her home. Once in the safety of her room, she started to read the letter Neil Melendez had left to her before he went into a coma. 

‘’There are so many things I wanted to say to you, but since my time is short, I will try to do this the best way I can.’’ The letter was messy handwriting, which was so unusual coming from him, but understandable considering everything that happened that night. ’’I wanna start by apologizing. I’m sorry if this letter is messy and I’m sorry if it will mess your life too. But mostly, I’m sorry for leaving you like this, so suddenly. 

From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. 

These last few months were...intense. I think we dealt with it in the best way possible considering we didn’t know how everything would end. I mean, if we knew this is how it would end, we would do everything differently, right? At least, I like to think so. 

Honestly? If I knew this is how it would end, I would have changed things years ago. Maybe that night when we talked about kids and you said something that I still carry with me, even now on my deathbed. You said: ‘’ Finding someone you can’t imagine a life without, it’s hard. ‘’ 

Well, Claire, it might be hard, but it’s also very gratifying. I know that because the months we spent together were the best months of my entire life. 

For me, it took some time. I found you years later than expected. But it wasn’t hard, cause you never went unnoticed by me. Even on our first day working together, when you tried to blend in with the other residents, falling miserable at it, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes, and the possible story behind their deepness. 

You said finding someone is hard. Well, for me it wasn’t. You were never hard for me. Actually, being by your side was probably one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. 

And that’s why I would do it differently. Because I wanted more. I wanted so much more with you. I wanted a slightly complicated – by hospital policies - relationship, which we would handle together. I wanted marriage. I wanted kids. I wanted you. 

And now in these last moments, I’m not afraid. I’m just missing everything we didn’t get a chance to live. 

It’s weird, isn’t it? Missing someone this much, someone that allegedly shouldn’t touch you so hard. 

But you did. You also saved me so many times, even that you didn’t quite realize that. 

I really don’t want to make you feel sad about this letter. Actually, what I really wanna say is: move on. I know it won’t be easy in the first months, but I need you to do it. Because if you have the chance to have what we had again, You HAVE to hold on to it. Don’t hold yourself back from falling in love again, because if you have the chance to receive from someone everything I received from you, you can’t waste it, because that’s what you deserve. Because that’s the best thing that can happen to someone. 

You gave me everything, even when I didn’t ask for it. And I wanted more than anything to give it back to you. But unfortunately, for a very unfair reason, for a reason we will never understand, I can’t. All I can do now, in these last moments, is to hope that you can find someone that will give you everything I couldn’t give. Because you deserve it, Claire. 

I never quite understood how love changes people. I used to think that if you love someone, you won’t want them to change. But now I do, or at least I hope people are referring to what happened to us. We changed each other, because we were willing to, and because we brought out the best of each other. 

I realized this on that night at the stairwell, when I hugged you while you told me everything you were going through. I was astonished by your strength and I also felt privileged to get to know you better. Again, being in your life is a privilege, being loved by you, it’s an even bigger one. Don’t spare yourself from love, don’t do this to others. You deserve it. 

Anyway. I’m sorry. Again. I wanted more, we deserved more. Just don’t EVER think that this about lack of love or commitment. I’m not sure about a lot of things in life, but there is something I know: if love was enough, I would be by your side right now. 

Me, dying, was never about love, if it was, we would have a happy ending. 

Spending time with you, it got me used to incredible. But I never got used to you, cause you impressed me every day. And I also, because I love you. Very Much. And right now, I’m not afraid cause I know wherever I go, I will still love you and that’s enough for now. 

I’m sorry. Everything went wrong today, but I’m still grateful for us. 

I’m sorry for everything. 

I don’t know how to finish this because again, I wanted so much more. More than a letter could ever express. 

I hope you move on, I hope you are happy.

I love you. 

-Neil Melendez.’’ 

She had no words left. She put the letter on her nightstand afraid the tears would stain it. 

She didn’t think she would survive. Breath. Blink. Automatic. 

And that’s when her phone rang.

\------- 

Neil started to regain his conscious. The confusion provoked by the medication took form in flashes. A smile in the OR. The focus while operating. A puzzle. A kid with curly hair. Beautiful and intense green eyes. A song about staying. The last one brought him back to reality. 

After the agitation caused by his awakening passed, and a moment of melancholic toke over when Lim and Glassman told him about how serious his situation was, he realized that she was there. Like many times before, they didn’t communicate. At least, not through words. 

Claire started to cry, and he just reached out for her. The rest of the medical team gave them some privacy. Once she got closer, he pulled her towards him, only stopping once she was laying down with him. 

That night, while he was still experiencing some flashbacks and feeling an almost unbearable pain – only bearable because she was still by his side – he knew the real reason why he stayed. He didn’t know how, but he knew it had something to do with Claire Browne. 

\---- 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was slightly based on the books If I Stay/ Where She Went.  
> I read it years ago and some parts stayed with me so I've decided to write about it.  
> Also the song Palace by Cam was a huge inspiration while writing it.  
> I hope you enjoy, thank you reader <3

Time was passing, and the following moths weren’t easy at all. She was there every step of the way, watching him in the corner of the physical therapy room, making sure he was eating – sometimes personally doing it – checking his meds and even his house, assuring everything was as organized as possible. 

Except that Claire Browne wasn’t there. At least, not emotionally speaking. She was constantly deflecting from his eye contact and only stayed long enough to make sure he was doing well, leaving as soon as possible. Running. She didn’t even sleep by his side anymore. 

And that hurt. It hurt a lot. Maybe more than the physical recovery – which was going great, as expected by Neil considering how much he wanted to feel better. After all, he wanted to stay. 

Her emotional distance was confirmed in the moment he was discharged, a few months after the accident. The night he told Claire the news, she smiled and congratulated him briefly. Next morning, she moved back to her house, and suddenly, Neil’s place became too big for him, even though she kept calling him every morning, treating him more like a patient than a friend. 

Once he was back at work, which he thought it would be enough to bring them close again, the distance only got larger, because now the phone calls were replaced by small talk between shifts. Claire started to work almost exclusively with Lim and Andrews, and switched her shift to the night, which made everything worse considering he was only working during day light in the beginning. 

It wasn’t until he saw the paper on his desk that he understood how bad the situation was.

He didn’t know what to do. One he read those words, he had to sit down for a bit. The weakness he felt had nothing to do with the weight he lost after the accident. It was all a result of the emotional pain he felt that moment. 

She was quitting. Claire Browne, the best resident he ever met, the reason why he stayed, was leaving. 

It took Neil Melendez all the strength he had left to hold back his tears. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, and before he even realized, he was going to the resident's lounge. 

When he arrived there, he saw Claire talking to Morgan. The exhaustion on her face made him slow down a bit, but not enough to stop him. 

In the minute he entered the room, Morgan notice the tension and left it. 

“Doctor Melendez’’ Claire said, standing up and he thought he noticed some panic in her beautiful green eyes. 

“I think we’ve been through enough to still hold for formalities Claire. Can you you explain to me what the hell this is?’’ He showed her the papers. 

\---- 

She saw a million emotions raging across his face. But pain won out all of them, which reinforced her decision to leave. This was about him, not her. 

He feared he scared her with his little scene, and almost left. But he needed to know her reasons, he needed to know them so he could make the decision that was best for her. This was about her, not him. 

“I’m leaving for strictly professional reasons’’ she said, swallowing her feelings. 

“You are lying,” he laid the papers not-so gently on the desk. “What’s happening Claire? Is it something that I’ve done? Because if it is, I just need to know.” 

“No.’’ 

‘’So what is it?’’ 

‘’I’ve told you already.’’ 

‘’And I’m not buying it.’’ 

The antagonism in that moment reminded them of their old dynamic. Obviously, it was still there, it might be hidden, but definitely not over. Nothing was over between them, no matter what was happening now. 

“I need you to know that my reasons have nothing to do with you.’’ Now her excuse was so bad that she didn’t believe it herself, and she knew he didn’t either, just by seeing his rough smile. 

He couldn’t notice the Déjà vu he felt hearing the words ’I need you to know’. 

‘’Just answer me this Claire. What did I ever do to you for you to hate me this much?’’ And now the ironic smile was replaced by a silent tear, which made Claire come instinctively closer to him. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear, it’s actually the opposite. It’s what I did.’’ And in this moment, she fell apart under the weight of her unfulfilled promises. She started crying hard, and he was the one who came closer this time. 

In that moment, he realized the truth. 

“You made me stay.’’ She nodded, covering her sobbing with her hands. 

She made him stay, just to leave him afterwards. He had flashbacks of what felt like a conversation she had with him during his time in a coma. It took him a minute to process this new information, and in the end, they were both crying. 

“And now you hate me, and you have every reason to.” She couldn’t look him in the eye, and it felt like he was blind. After all, that’s how they used to communicate with each other. 

“I don’t hate you,’’ he said, this time hugging her. “It’s the opposite actually.’’ She was looking into his eyes now, still holding on to him. 

‘’You should though. I made you huge promises and now I can’t keep them.’’ 

“It’s not your fault’’ He said kissing her forehead. 

“It’s not your fault either’’ She said while tears ran down her face. 

“I just...’’ - she tried to phrase it - “What if I am not enough? What if I am the problem? What if I give you all the things I promised, and it still isn’t enough, still not worth it? What if you chose me, what if you stayed for me, but I’m not good enough?’’ He could feel her shaking in his arms. 

“That’s impossible.’’ 

“There is no way you could know that.’’ 

“I already do, Claire.’’ 

‘’How?’’ 

“The letter. The first time I saw you after waking up, I knew it. We chose each other, consciously or not. This decision wasn’t just yours. It was mine too. And so far, I haven’t regretted it. You are already worth it Claire Browne.’’ She sighed in his arms, this time, relived, which made his feelings for her even more clear. “I know this is traumatic for you, considering everything you already lost. But we could at least try, don’t you think?’ He almost begged, but he knew that being subtle was what she needed now. “I promise you I will stay away from lamps.’’ 

Claire smiled trough the tears. Clearly, they were worth the shot. She still thought she wasn’t enough for him and that she would ruin everything at some point. He knew she felt insufficient, and he was willing to prove to her she was everything he had ever wanted.

‘’Of course we can try’’ She said, kissing his lips, the lips that she saw every night in her dreams. It was a kissed marked by intense and conflicting feelings, like their very relationship. 

‘’So, you aren’t leaving, right?’’ He asked, running his fingers gently trough her hair. 

‘’No.’’ 

‘’Can I ask why?’’ he said smiling, already knowing the answer. 

‘’Because you made me stay.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thanks to Sneha for reviewing my translation. Your help means a lot to me <3\. Thank you Ela and Ellie too, for you kind words and help<3  
> Pras fofoqueiras que leram primeiro, obrigado pelo incentivo. Vcs são tudo na minha quarentena <3  
> Shout-out to the melendaire community on twitter, you girls are awsome <3  
> (especially thank you mar for sending me the song Palace, it was very inspirational)

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to Mariam for helping with the review. Thanks to Ela and Sneha too, who always supports my writing.  
> To the girls who read it first and cried with me, Obrigado, amo vocês <3


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